There is a scourge on our culture that needs to end and it needs to end now.  Something so pathetic that it makes me cringe.  Would I go so far as to say that it reaches the level of being evil?  Well, for the sake of this particular blog that requires that it does reach that level, then yes, I think it’s evil.

This evil appears to be jovial and attractive.  The news this evil is presenting helps one of the sexes more than the other, but both benefit the majority of the time.  This evil cares not about racial divides for this evil believes in equal opportunity to offend.  This evil has believes in presenting stereotypical images about a profession that is thousands of years old, but can be perceived as more of a hobby than a profession to most people.  This evil has taken something that has been cherished for millions for decades and poisoned its memory for future generations.

This evil I’m talking about is the VIVA VIAGRA television campaign.   It must be stopped and it must be stopped now before it does more damage.  Everyone involved in this campaign from the advertising firm, the directors, the actors, the copyright owners of songwriters of VIVA LAS VEGAS, to the Elvis estate for allowing that incredible song to be used in this ridiculous way should be sent straight to bed with no dinner, or Viagra for that matter. 

There are so many things wrong with these commercials that in a perfect world would require a 250 page book to suitably explain.  Knowing that, I will adhere to one of my favorite phrases, "Brevity is the soul of wit".

How convenient that a bunch of guys who are of the age to use Viagra are all together in a funky Blues roadhouse.  Not surprisingly, they also have instruments with them.  This in turn must mean they’re musicians.   If that is the case, which is obviously is, then of course the must "Jam".  Musicians aren’t allowed to gather without "jamming".  From this holy "Jam", a brilliant idea sprung forth from one of the horny Viagra obsessed musicians.  The idea was set forth; let’s destroy a legendary song for future generations and have our children and their children’s children associate this great song with the pursuit of the physical equivalent of the male four hour standing ovation.

Miraculously they all knew the song and they all, spontaneously mind you, contribute lyrics.  While they are doing this, they are extremely happy and quite proud of themselves.  At least their faces are happy.  What’s stoking the fire down below isn’t as happy, thus the reason for this masculine melody to call upon the duties that Viagra happily provides.

I haven’t been in need of Viagra in my life.  Perhaps circumstances whether medical, or simply as I get older, I will need to consider using Viagra.  However, if ever the situation called upon me to consider using Viagra, I damn sure wouldn’t sing about it with a bunch of other guys, let alone tell them to begin with.  Why would I share that need with other guys?  Honestly, I wouldn’t tell anyone.  If the Viagra turns out to help me, I will give no credit to Viagra whatsoever and I will take all the credit.   It takes more than Viagra to have someone want to have sex with you.   Viagra is simply a tool.  When you build a house, you don’t give credit to the hammer that pounded the nails on the roof do you? It’s the pillars that hold the house up.  Viagra is nothing without me buying it and swallowing it. A bullet is nothing without a gun I suppose. That’s why I would give no credit to Viagra if I needed to use it.

What these AFTRA actors and the poor excuse for an advertising team did is unforgivable. They have ruined for future generations a classic American Rock & Roll song performed by the greatest singer in the history of the genre.   From this moment forward, VIVA LAS VEGAS is now identified with Viagra.  From this moment on, when people hear VIVA LAS VEGAS, they can’t help but sing VIVA VIAGRA.  When parents play that song for their kids, all the kids will think is VIAGRA.  Which means the parent will have to explain what VIAGRA is, which is unpleasant to begin with.   I don’t begrudge actors making the money when it’s offered, but this commercial crosses the line.  Sometimes you have to turn down a gig if the gig will cause the cultural equivalent of using weapons of Rock and Roll mass destruction. 

A great song and an honorable profession has been degraded because the pursuit of an orgasm, hopefully for both partners.   Funny thing about orgasms, similar to fluffy little snowflakes, each one is different.  They’re unique biological events that require a unique perspective when discussed.  The advertising firm that pitched this idea, as well as the management of Viagra should be fired. They are as useless as the ad firm and company that gets paid millions to come to the decision to use "Stand by Me" as a theme song for their spot.  Is it too much to expect for some originality?  For something as important for two people as sexual satisfaction, these people shouldn’t just settle for something so stupid.   Unfortunately, their stupidity has done more damage than just the display of stupidity.  The cultural ramification of this commercial is hefty. 

It’s truth time.  While its true musicians occasionally jam, it doesn’t happen often. Real musicians would never have degraded VIVA LAS VEGAS like that, unless the temptation of money was just too strong to deny it.  Men don’t tell other men that they use Viagra, let alone sing about it in public or in private.  Elvis Presley sang a song called VIVA LAS VEGAS and it was bloody brilliant.  Elvis may have used Viagra, along with the hundreds of other pills he was taking, but I have to believe he never would’ve allowed the song to be used in this way.  Men like sex, but is this big news?  These are facts.  Did we really need them to defile a classic song to remind us of these things? 

I have nothing against using Viagra. If you want to use it, knock yourself out. I hope you and the recipient of the powers of Viagra get what you are looking for.  Sex is fun. This commercial isn’t fun.  As a matter of fact, repeated viewing of this commercial will eliminate any power that Viagra provides a man.   Take this commercial off the air and give our younger generation a chance to hear VIVA LAS VEGAS in the correct form.  Even after his death, we’ve sucked so much more life out of Elvis, is there need to do more to the poor man? 

I know who the coolest man in America is.  I realized it the other day.  I understand that my choice is purely subjective and has no scientific facts to back it up.  But just as you can always depend on Paula Abdul to let society at large down, and just as sure as there is nothing more boring than the third period of any NBA game, my gut tells me I have to be right.

The coolest man in America is Steven Van Zandt.  Yes, Steven Van Zandt.  Who is this newly dubbed “Coolest Man in America”?  Why does this man get to wear this crown?  He wears this crown, not because of one singular thing he did, he wears it because of the stunning and enviable efforts he’s accomplished in his life.  

Somewhere near the Jersey shore, Steven Van Zandt picked up a guitar, and it was good.   In his early years, he hung out with a singer named John Lyon, later known as Southside Johnny.  His partnership with Southside Johnny gave the world Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, one of the most influential horn bands in popular music. The music of the Jukes was a hybrid of  Soul legends to 50’s hitmaker Ronnie Spector, and many other rock and R&B influences. What made them different from other horn bands of that time period like Blood Sweat and Tears, Chicago, or Average White Band, was that The Jukes were truly a product of a Jersey state of mind.  Along with an up and coming songwriter named Bruce Springsteen, the original songwriting and producing load for Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes was Little Steven Van Zandt. 

The first three records of Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes are authentic and passionate statements. Songs like I DON’T WANT TO GO HOME, THE FEVER, THIS TIME ITS FOR REAL and their most critically acclaimed record HEARTS OF STONE, were truly a partnership between Southside and Little Steven.  Listen to any of those songs and you hear the sheer joy of what they were doing, at least from my perspective.

During that time, Little Steven was asked by Bruce Springsteen to play on his new recording project called BORN TO RUN.  He proceeded to join the E Street Band and toured the world.  I saw him play with Bruce at the St. Paul Civic Center on the DARKNESS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN tour.  Seeing Bruce, Little Steven and the E Street Band that night was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.  We paid to see Bruce, but Little Steven was so strong on that stage. The connection with him and Bruce was so obvious. And even though they may have been sick of the songs, they never showed it.  They took the St. Paul Civic Center and raised it up. 

A few years later, Little Steven started his own band. Once again, he proved how cool he truly was.  The name of the band was LITTLE STEVEN AND THE DISCIPLES OF SOUL.  I rest my case.   

This band was similar to the Jukes, but rocked harder. It also had elements of Reggae, Dub, and the obvious Soul and R&B influence.  The crew was motley. The bass player was a large black man with a white Mohawk who played for the Plasmatics.  With songs like LYING IN A BED OF FIRE, I AM A PATRIOT and PRINCESS OF LITTLE ITALY, Little Steven stood alone this time and the result was powerful.

Little Steven played Silvio in The Soprano’s.  Tony  Soprano’s right hand man.  The character is original.  His humor is there. I’ve heard he walked in to the audition with the character all laid out.  The power of The Soprano’s was undeniable.  The hip factor of the show was off the chart.  They actually made us wait until they were good and ready for each season.  They make us dance because they know the chase is always more satisfying than the conquest.  That principle is what makes Steve Van Zandt so interesting to me.  That’s what makes him so cool.  He makes us catch up to him.

He has found a great combination of knowing what influences to borrow and how to use those influences to create something new.  There have been plenty of horn bands on the national scene and the local scene, but none matched the power of the early days of the Asbury Jukes and the Disciples of Soul.  Steve Van Zandt was the architect of that sound.  When he shares the vocals with Springsteen, the sound the create together is as beautiful to me as any Everly Brothers harmony, but the delivery and the passion behind it comes from a meaner and more sweeter,  desperate place.  You know the notes he hits are right, but they’re just on the border of being wrong,  That’s what makes his sound so sweet to me.

 The way he phrases, the notes he chooses to play on his solos, the tone of his guitar sound, his influences,  the people he calls friends,  the roles he chooses to play, and many other things, is why Steven Van Zandt is the coolest man in America.  Ask any musician or actor and they would kill to work with him. It’s just a fact.  People want to hang with the cool people.  That will never change.  My vote is cast for the coolest. 

The music business, similar to other businesses, is filled with characters who display a wide array of attributes that display for all of us to see.   However, there are things that happen in the music business that if you tried to attempt in another business circumstance, you would be either reprimanded, or most likely, either never be hired in the first place, or fired immediately.   Recently I saw something within my role in this music business that gave me a jolt.

I’ve been playing music in clubs for 25 years.  I have loved music and sang it for anybody who wanted to hear it since I was 5 years of age.  For the past 15 years, I have created and produced multiple charitable and for-profit concert events.  My role in these events is considerable and I’ve had my hand in all aspects of the event.   As a musician, I have also been on the side of the performer.   It’s a unique perspective that the majority of event planners don’t have.  I’m not sure if having both sides to draw from is a good or bad thing, but for me, it is what it is.  This knowledge of both sides experienced a flurry of emotions when I experienced one of most unethical actions a band displayed at an event I was involved with.

This summer, I was hired by a venue to serve as a Production Coordinator for their multiple day festival.  This was a monumental task for the investors who built this site.  They spent an enormous amount of money on the venue, the land, etc.  They also spent a ton of money on artist fees for this festival.  As someone who has booked many national groups for festivals, you struggle as you decide how much to pay an artist to perform at your festival.  Are they worth it?  Will they draw?  The questions go on and on.  But one thing you normally don’t question when you book an act that has been on the road over 30 years is the professionalism and their knowledge of what to entertain.  In this particular case, the promoters, the investors and the audience were horribly wrong in that assumption.

Before I go off ranting, I have to preface where it comes from.  My influences include James Brown, Springsteen, Southside Johnny, Elton John, The Clash, Luther Allison to name a few.   When these artists perform, or performed in the case of JB and Luther, there was never any doubt that they fully understood that the fact that any audience paid their hard earned money to see them.  They knew full well that the promoters put their financial faith in what they do and they expect to receive for which they paid.   As hard as this is to believe for some, the music business survives on the ethics of the parties involved.  Without ethics, eventually it will falter or fall apart completely. 

This particular rant of mine concerns a group that featured in it’s heyday a lineup of superstar rockers from other groups, who had come together to form the group they are now.  I had dealings with them prior to the show to set up their travel and hospitality etc and they were all considerate and forthcoming. They gave me their information; I took it down and took care of it on my end so they could get to the gig. 

This particular group also did the longest sound check I’ve ever seen, nearly 4 hours.  Hell on the production team on stage, but again, the band came across like they sincerely cared about what they were presenting.  For the money they were being paid, I’m sure the investor appreciated the effort.

When they arrived on site for the actual performance, it was stressed to me and the Stage Manager and anybody within earshot, that the show must start at certain time so they could finish by the agreed upon time.  The stage crew did all that was necessary to make good on that request.  When the time arrived, the Road Manager for this band told the soundman out from to play the intro music for the band.   Intro music for the band is not uncommon. What was uncommon and disturbing to me was what followed.

The intro music went on for 5 minutes, 7, 9, 11, 13, yes, 15 minutes before the band decided to grace the stage.  This intro music was not an elaborate musical set up to coincide with the bands first song. It was a series of songs that any DJ would play at a wedding reception.  As these songs were going on, the band was standing backstage behind the amps just talking to each other and other crew members.  Once the finally got on stage and performed, the lead singer stopped the show.  He then proceeded to do a 3 minute testimonial about a line of sunglasses from an endorsement deal he got that day at another venue in the same city.  This sunglass vendor was not one of the vendors within the venue he was playing.

Why is this situation wrong on many levels?  

The investor paid for a 90 minute set for this band.  They got 75 minutes of live music, 15 minutes of DJ music that the promoter could’ve spend $10 to achieve the same thing.  The audience had to stand  there like a bunch of chumps waiting for the group they spent their hard earned money to see, and patiently wait for these “lords of rock” to appear.   When they did appear on stage, they sufficiently rocked, but the crowd was disinterested as they played their now 75 minute set. 

A friend of mine has a saying.  When she sees something that is clearly wrong, her phrase is “I call B*******.   I don’t know if it was the bands decision or the management of the band to provide this type of entertainment for the money they request.  Whoever made that decision, shame on them and yes, I call B*******.  With the thousands of other things that people could be doing with their money every day, any live musician, are it local or national band touring with 20 buses, better put on a great show or their audience will slide away.

Luther Allison said it best, “Play the Music, Leave Your Ego, Love the People”. Artists who are in the phase of their career where the money is far more important than the content of their show need to re-evaluate.  In the end, bands such as the band I’m speaking of, are damn lucky that people want to see them in the first place.  They need to throw away their prima Donna pins and remember why artists like Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Elton, Billy Joel, Jimmy Buffet and others sell out to arenas and stadiums every night.  They followed Luther’s advice.  They show up and as Mr. Springsteen stated so eloquently, the “Prove it All Night”.